This Is Us Community what would a fantastic student-led community of

This Is Us Community what would a fantastic student-led community of care-experienced and estranged students look, and feel, like to you?

These are the anonymised ideas of students and recent graduates They are from the Student-led Community Conversations (March) Community Laptop Competition (April), UF 10th Birthday Celebration (June) and thoughts shared in the This Is Us community

This Is How we Feel

Firstly, a community must be a place of equal opportunity & respect A place with clear ground rules that provides equal opportunity to all within it and that allows individuals to benefit from connecting with different cultures and backgrounds and work to support one another. Where a found family is treated just as importantly as a blood family. Where people realise that what happened with my parents is not what makes me, me. Somewhere that recognises the backgrounds care experienced and estranged people share but offers discretion too as many may not want others to know they are in such a position. It should involve students having a frequent say in the issues that they face, particularly because they are an estranged or care experienced students. Building on that, it should attempt to be as transparent as possible. Where is the funding coming from, how will it assist anyone that needs help, will there be safeguarding in place, or will there be safe spaces where students can go which are separate from uni/social work/potentially unsafe home situations etc? Designing such a community and the scope of it will have to be carefully considered.

Secondly, it must be welcoming, comfortable and help us to combat loneliness We are all looking for someone to connect with someone to connect with and feel comfortable around, to make us feel less alone. So, the community should always be a welcoming, supportive and positive environment for everybody. A relaxed place for estranged and care experienced students that is focused around looking out for each other, being there and providing mutual peer support and kindness. It should be a place to feel your most comfy and a safe place. These means we can tackle not only our university/higher education issues but also personal life issues: it gets very lonely even if you're surrounded by many people, not having that family network breaks you down. When we meet like minded people, we know we are not the only ones hurting. It lets the lonely one know that they’re not the only one that feels left out or unwanted. It will act as a foundation for us to lean on, one where we can find solace and comfort, knowing that there are others that are going through, or have been through the same situations as them.

Thirdly, it should be a safe space, without stigma We know that care experienced, and estranged students face stigma. We have a society that often views people from these backgrounds as troublemakers, black sheep, not-quite-fitting-in through no fault of our own. It is extra important that this is a safe and confidential space for us to share our thoughts and feelings, where we can express ourselves without judgement or unkind remarks. It is a part of a lot of people that they don’t often get to talk about whether due to the social stigma attached or just an awareness of the lack of understanding from those who have not experienced it. The community can be refreshing, it can be different, it can be empathetic. Where we can just be us: laugh about shared annoyances or just explain why something bothered us. A metaphorical weight off our shoulders. It is a positive place, where students do not feel ashamed to be care experienced or estranged. Moreover, when we have less shame, it is easier to ask for the help we need and not feel judged for not having or needing things that their peers have. The stigma behind being afraid or worried to talk about your situation needs to be broken and needs to be more embraced.

We’d also like to see the community being

Accessible and understanding of diversity It is important that the This Is Us community considers the needs of its members because we are all different individuals. The structure of the community must consider that a large proportion of students will be shy, neurodiverse or have anxiety. Meeting new people can be quite daunting for anyone, let alone those who may feel let down or alone so just having an easy way to reach out to others going through similar things could be a great way for these people to know they aren’t alone. Many people may have to be encouraged to meet up with other "new people" before attending any community events. Some students have said they would never go to their own university meet ups for care leavers/ estranged students as they don't know any others and have too much anxiety to attend alone. Others said they would worry everyone would already know each other and that they would feel more isolated. Giving the opportunity for people to chat online first could help students who are less socially active or even have social anxiety to have more of a voice. Meeting in person for the first time can be nerve wracking – so this would help build rapport We also need to consider that there are many people that try to avoid remembering where they came from, and so choose not to involve themselves in certain groups, because they just want to find friends a different way. Or don’t want to talk about their past, students that try and focus on the now and the future. Being apart of a care community is not necessarily for everyone. Yet, it could comfort people immeasurably just to know that it’s there. A lot of the talk and opportunities still focus on students up to 26. Mature students may face similar difficulties to their younger colleagues as well as additional ones related to being, have parental or caring responsibilities, etc. An open table community that can be joined at any stage of the academic year, with no cut-off dates or cuts off for age or level of study can help with this.

A healthy community that learns and evolves No matter what the community initially looks like, it should be structured in a way that allows for feedback from the wider community and evolution. The experiences and challenges for estranged and care-experienced students, whilst having a lot in common, can also vary widely so having the guiding body be open to suggestions and queries is important. Somewhere that can grow and admit when it didn’t work out/got stuff wrong and needs to change tactics Most of all it should be a dynamic community that can flex around the needs of the community as it is at any given time. Particularly with university spaces, the people involved are always changing so any community needs to be able to adapt to the changing needs of the people as well as the differing needs of any given time. Once groups are on their feet and running events, staff should take a step back to avoid stifling the community’s natural growth. There should be staff input but the decisions should be made by the students as this will help empower us. There is also no need to fix what is not broken. So, if something in the community works, keep hold of it!

These Are Our Tangible Ideas

The community should provide peer support The consensus was that we want to access other support from students in a similar situation. Having a space to boost each others confidence through posting things we create or asking questions would also be something that would be great for the community especially those that lack that support outside of it. Lots of opportunities to meet up with others who already have a common ground to share ideas, thoughts and experiences, etc. More specifically we’d like to be trained as mental health peer support facilitators, with a view to facilitate more sensitive meet-ups to have peer mentoring, older students matched with new students with similar interests or location for giving them tips for studying or just life in general discussion groups/listening circles – or signposting out to ones that already exist. events where people can help each other coming up to certain times of year, such as Christmas and mothers’/fathers' day buddying: a chance to talk to other students so you have a friend if you’re nervous to get to know others in the community pen pals, to get to know others like us in a more relaxed snail-mail environment Not only does peer support make the day-to-day life of care experienced/estranged students a little easier but also gives what is currently a fragmented group, cohesion.

and signposting to more official help A supportive place is one where you are informed of the official places to go or people to contact when in need of support. It is important to fill the knowledge gap – so many of us don’t know where or who to go to for support, or event know that we are entitled to certain help. So, this community should have a list or database somewhere that signposts to charities and organisations that specialise in supporting care experienced and estranged people. The community could also fund events by speakers who can offer advice and insight. Such as a workshop on specific financial support available during university and advice on how to budget. Generally, people don't understand how difficult it is to be so financially independent so young. Our student culture revolves around expecting you to not have fun and not spend your entire life worrying about money – easier said than done for many of us.

Academic/employment skills and opportunities We’d like a student-led community that helps care experienced and estranged students to explore their career options and helps with overall development. It would be good if it also: highlights opportunities that could widen future employment prospects allows students to run their own workshops, to gain new experiences and be able to add to their CV. lets students the chance to lead and build their leadership skills and confidence in doing this has workshops offering student guidance on how to write essays for example in a peer-assisted learning format runs weekly study support for students who struggle any form of academic-related issues makes info sharing fun, such as running events like quizzes which at the same time act as helpful information sharing supports those who have pursued creative studies as we face unique challenges in the expectations from universities in order to achieve/accept residencies and gain access to opportunities in these fields has job fairs or talks from employers or graduate schemes: or signpost to existing talks and opportunities, especially for care experienced/estranged people or diversity groups

and help with building our life skills in general “I think it would be important to do things like life skills in the community such as cooking, cleaning as many of us never got the chance to learn from parents. Even the most basic skills of using a washing machine, we don’t have parents to show us how to do these basic life skills.” “I believe there should be a group a social media platform where anyone can join and just get the day-to-day advice and help that everyone needs. Anything other students can go to their parents to ask we are able to go to the group.” We’d like more guidance with regards to practical, real-life matters: finding a place to rent healthcare and how to access a GP/dentist weighing up pros and cons of certain decisions dealing with institutional problems (such as dealing with tenancy agencies or work situations), where it would otherwise be helpful to have some parental support money advice/knowledge – how to budget money or have an event where you get someone in from a bank or building society to explain what credit is, mortgages, overdrafts, insurance, overdrafts, interest, etc resources for self-parenting, emotional intelligence, mindfulness resources and a place to share experiences sessions on how to be more confident or how to build our resilience support on how apply for jobs, prepare for interviews, etc. We could even do Skill swapping, for those who have not been able to have a parent to show them how to do things, cook etc. I believe transferable skills are the most overlooked when it comes to estranged and care experienced students. This would bring people together for a common cause and help each other within their personal lives.

We want the community to be online We envisage an accessible, active online community, perhaps that ties in already existing messaging platforms, that is combined with some organised in-person meetups at regional hubs. By starting online first, rather than only having meeting in person, it gives us time to build confidence and make connections. It can be more indirect and can work as a median for those who are less confident, they can use these platforms to be directed to more information that is readily available, they should partner with the university socials to make these platforms clear. We’d like to see admins/owners who regularly post about events going on at the university, resources and opportunities available and try to encourage conversations and connections between students in the groups. It is important that there are clear routes for safety and escalating any problems we come across or to share our concerns. We’d like to have group chats. It is an easy way to connect with each other at any time of day, in any location. Plus, it’s nice to have people to talk to who can relate to your situation. What we want the most is just a space to connect with those who have had similar experiences such as being in foster care. We want a mix of both local and national connections. Having national online groups is cool so we can meet people from all over the UK and extend our comfort zones, but it would be nice to have local people to get to know as well so I can build my local support network and have friends I can meet regularly in person. We can also talk about common interests and hobbies, not everything has to be about our background. People could use these pages to meet people from similar backgrounds and with similar experiences – and from this they could arrange meet ups and events. We also feel having something online can be more permanent, more solid. Face-to-face groups might be led by one keen person but end after an academic year, but the online platform stays and means we can always form new groups. It helps with the continuity and stability is something we feel we really need.

It would be great to see this community start securely online then have meet ups and trips once there has been some trust built and people know enough about each other to feel comfortable and confident in meeting.

And then also have regular meet-ups in person Regular meet ups mean we can really get to know each other – nothing beats face-to-face, real human contact! Since the covid situation is getting better, we would like to have local sessions at least monthly and not always indoors. I would rather go to a session run by students that something forced on us by our uni I think that regular events like meals could be arranged together. It would be fun to have different offshoots - maybe like a book club, tea/coffee zoom mornings and yearly conferences. it doesn’t have to be something fancy, in fact – we’d prefer it wasn’t by having meet ups and socially is a core foundation where people can go to when they grow more confidence. even if it was just a union of some sort or a group meetup within university, it would benefit students from this background because it will give us a feeling of community and somewhat of a safety net while we move to new cities, especially helpful for first/foundation years a good way to make friends and feel part of a community. regular meet-ups would bring some sort of routine and stability into people’s lives that can often feel like they are falling apart. a group should be made within universities for catch-ups, mental health sessions - making friends people that have shared similar experiences as you events where staff members aren't too involved so that people feel more comfortable coming together and creating proper friendships. there should be some group activities that aren't just nights out or trips to a pub, enriching activities as well, not everyone is comfortable drinking/ being around drunk people. Too much of student culture is focused around this “I feel like if we have more meetings in person and try tell more people about our experience would work. I wasn’t sure to share my experience at the beginning of ones I went to (local society) but after listening to some of the meetings I felt much more comfortable”

Especially events over the Holidays Since most care experienced, and estranged students are not in contact with their family, it would be great if students had some sort of a spring, summer and winter holiday opportunities to meet-up and make friends or connections. If way in advance, we are contacted about possible meetings or dinners where they can meet others in a similar position - that would be lovely. As those times of year, it can be very lonely and difficult. For students who reside in their halls/ accommodation of some kind out of term-time do not feel alone, this could be avoided by organising events or days out or even just giving the students a place to see people over the holidays, so they don’t feel so alone. The community could run events at certain religious festivals too, especially Christmas – which is so big here and the whole world seems to stop for it whilst we are left without much to do. We could design our own Christmas cards! And everyone in the community could get one – a competition maybe? The community should prioritise putting other students in the same locations or institutions in touch this way they can become each others support systems and make plans for holidays that typically are for spending time with family.

Three key things we want

1. To try something fun, new – or both! We’d like some fun activities that would have an aim of encouraging social integration, meeting new people, confidence building and ultimately improving mental health. We want to make new, happy memories and expand our comfort zones. Good, fun times can help us a lot, especially when we are going through the hard times. Examples we gave: outdoor activities centres like the Venture Scotland organisation or YHA camps would be wonderful, these are often the most effective in ice-breaking/community building and making memories with people a theme park/seaside/city trip - would totally be on board for that there's great power in arts based or nature centred group activities, so a student led creative community a student-led fun-day-out group that organises trips to places is a great idea, this would allow me to make more friends and reduce stress regular online engagement, it may involve a forum layout, that fractures into groups/topics. Online event example: could put up polls for online movie nights and people vote for the film they want to watch together etc? local meet-ups where you can try out new cuisine fun-group projects to work on that help you bond with people, and you don’t have to talk about your background a residential trip which involves these fun activities could be fun? an annual trip this could be staying within the UK (perhaps London or another large city) or going abroad for a week to do a tailored employability trip. This trip would emphasise the importance of networking and providing student care leavers with skills and confidence in order to continue on with a prosperous trajectory. We need to reinforce that they are capable of succeeding. collaboration with or sharing the existing events of other charities and people who offer stuff for us We would like to provide care experienced and estranged students with opportunities and experiences that they would not have had access to growing up. having trips away as many people in this position haven't had too much opportunity in their life to be able to do this.

2. To push for change We’d like to be part of a like-minded community that advocates for us. It is important that we can develop and run campaigns to lobby for change within higher education institutions as well as local and possibly central government. By having a cohesive group that can talk about their shared challenges, voices are amplified, and real change can start to be campaigned for - whether it is in the support given by Local Authorities to those who do want to apply for university, or the support universities give (or donate) to their care experienced/estranged students. An activist space should be an empowering space where we are able to amplify our voices and ignoring negative stereotypes put on us. A place to encourage/campaign so people over 25 have support because everything ends at age 25. We need it to be somewhere that doesn’t duplicate other campaigns but does link out to them and shows clearly how people can get involved. Many people in the community may not want to be involved in activism. But it is important that the opportunities are there and that what we are doing is transparent and visible.

3. To have specialist mental health resources It is felt that the community would benefit from including both general and specialist mental health resources. Common thoughts included: workshops where we can unlearn and heal together a point of contact/mental health trained person students can go to for help or message with their problems events where individuals can share their problems in a proper environment that is safe to do so listening circles, with resources or a specialist/signposting to hand if things get hard and we need help MH resources and workshops that understands religious trauma and that a lot of us have left religions, especially estranged students mental health sessions that are relevant and touch on more specific/focused stuff like CPTSD, not just the generalised ‘low-mood’ and anxiety sessions you get a focus on mental health and being a community together as we have all been through hardships to be where we are now - a mindfulness-based trip?

There must be no cliff at the end Support for final years and recent graduates is crucial We need this community to have flexibility, to allow those graduating some breathing space so they know they still have that peer support even when they are leaving higher education. People would like to see events and support targeted at final years and recent graduates. Careers events, life advice talks, networking with others in the same situation or who have recently graduated and maybe even a little graduation celebration! There is concern about housing and income stability for students who don’t have a family home or place ready to return to so the community could do something in this space to help a reassurance them that they can find security following their degree. Depending on support and interest for this, this could be built upon by introducing a mentoring scheme between alumni and current students which could provide them with guidance on their applications or where to find opportunities in a particular industry. In combination with this, I think having an alumni element would also be crucial. Not only does this provide support to those entering the workforce but also could provide valuable networking for younger students in a variety of industries, as well as offering relatable and accessible role models. The community will want to have structures in place for ensuring its sustainability so it can continue functioning as students graduate and eventually leave it.

Do you have an idea for what you want the This Is Us community to look, and feel, like? Go ahead, direct message people, make a group chat and create it! We can help you with resources and funding to make events come to life. This is Us The Unite Foundation South Quay House Bristol BS1 6FL 0117 302 7073 [email protected] www.thisisusatuni.org Registered charity number: 1147344 in England and Wales, and in Scotland: SC043324.

Need a hand with getting an event idea set up and running? You can also drop Ira a line and they’ll help you bring your idea to life with any resources, advice and funding you need. Get in touch with Ira Hakim (Student Community Manager): via the community, email [email protected] or text/WhatsApp 07923 136254 This is Us The Unite Foundation South Quay House Bristol BS1 6FL 0117 302 7073 [email protected] www.thisisusatuni.org Registered charity number: 1147344 in England and Wales, and in Scotland: SC043324.